An Apple a Day
by ChaosGriffin
Summary: In which a certain one eyed missing nin receives some sage medical advice.


The cave is dark and moist in remembrance of the waterfall which formed it. There is brown, sediment for various plants to feed upon, black, for not much light reaches here. Tobi finds this comforting, homage to his erstwhile life. However something is in the air, a smell of repugnance and chemical decay. Looking farther back into his hideaway, he finds the source, splotches of red upon ground. Tobi then sighed in resignation "Master Pein never cleans up after himself, does he? I just hope this one doesn't give Zetsu-sama indigestion."

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The incessant howling of the first mourner ceases, as the good doctor leaves traces of blue upon the ANBU, hearing instead the rhythmic beat of a job well done. Shizune doesn't marvel at the skill or light flair of the medic, as another life is saved, instead she is content. At least _she_ found some good help; it gave her more time to keep the Goidame out of trouble after all.

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Birds chirping, sun shining, the day was showing all the perfect signals of being good and cheery. However, the spy, whether traitorous, double, triple, quintuple, or some form of alliance unknown to even himself, knew, and would know forever as long he forgot the things before the bloody torrent of snow that shaped his life, that appearances can be so deceiving they become true.

A hiss in the distance breaks the loyal servant's thoughts in twain, whether in fear of paths not walked or anger at his quiescent body. Heeding his lord, he carries along, his thoughts once more as hidden as his eyes behind his spectacles, with a jovial smile upon his face put there in preparation. He had a patient to diagnose after all.

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"Tobi-kun, why are you poking that thing, not everyone has powers like Hidan-san." The masked nuke-nin jumped in surprise, then relaxed upon seeing his dual chromatic cohort.

"Oh Zetsu-sama, you scared me. You see, I found another of Master Pein's experiments, and I was just wondering what it did."

"Well Tobi-kun don't worry I'll clean that up, but first I have something to give you."

"Give me… do I get a present?"

Zetsu sighed in exasperation at his associate bounced around like a child. "No, it is not a present, it is a letter."

"A letter?" Tobi asked, surprised.

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"You did some good work back there." She said congratulating him.

Her colleague said nothing in reply so Shizune continued her praise of him. "I mean, you have only been here a three months and yet our mortality rate has greatly decreased, our birth rate is up, and with you in charge of the hospital, Sakura and Hinata can make sure their husbands don't kill each other, and I can make sure Tsunade-sama doesn't drink herself to death at a party."

Not wishing to hear more rambling about the Rokudaime Hokage and the Nidaime Dosukage _"friendly rivalry" _or his associate's woes as the Goidaime's caretaker, he preceded to ask an important question.

"Are we stocked up on groceries Shizune-dono?"

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment then replied. "No no, I think we'll be fine for a few days."

His inquiry thus answered the man followed Shizune home.

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The leader of Akatsuki looked around in disgust at the quaint forest setting he found himself in but, he mused, he _was_ the one to pick this location. He stood there silent for some time and then tensed as another presence entered the glade.

"Pein-sama, I am glad to see you in good health." A voice from behind him said.

"Well, you'd be out of a job otherwise; you are after all my doctor Kabuto."

"But Pein-sama, if you do not feel ill, then why…" The red-head cut him off.

"Don't act stupid Yakushi, now what do you have to report." Kabuto seemed embarrassed that he had been seen through so easily, but he assumed a professional once more, and readjusted his glasses as he walked into the light. Absentmindedly, Pein wondered why he bothered with the things, it's not like his vision was deteriorating.

Kabuto cleared his throat before beginning. "As you had hoped, Itachi's little brother has succeeded, Orochimaru is dead."

"Ah but Kabuto we both know the man was sly, what of his soul, if he still had one?"

"Fortunately, Sasuke-kun was smart enough to seal his soul into Orochimaru-sama's body. Unfortunately, because Sasuke killed him during the transfer procedure, a bit did get assimilated."

"A bit of what?" The man asked angrily.

"A bit of his soul, Pein-sama, at best the younger Uchiha has an all access pass to everything Orochimaru learned which he might use against us to get to Itachi, at worst Orochimaru can gain control long enough to unseal the rest of his soul and then completely over power Sasuke, thereby attaining his very own Sharingan, which he will undoubtedly also use against us." Kabuto informed grimly.

"Which will cause the least damage to our cause?"

"Though true that Sasuke has the ability to learn those jutsu it will obviously take time, while a Kekkai-Genkai can be used automatically upon obtaining it."

Weighing his options, Pein said. "Very well, Kabuto, your next assignment is to keep tabs on Sasuke's little group, and where possible mislead them from Itachi. We are running out of members faster then we can replace them." Pein said, exasperated.

"Very well, Pein-sama, I understand."

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It wasn't even in an envelope, the ends tied together with a simple string to conceal the words within. Tobi glanced around and saw Zetsu-sama having his minor feast, not wishing to disturb him lest the cave get even more sullied, he neatly snapped the string in half, and read the correspondence.

Scanning the first part, Tobi had to resist tearing the letter up, to calm himself he realized that he was happy that Zetsu hadn't snuck a peek at the letter, he would have hated to kill another of his unsuspecting subordinates.

Dear Tobi-k

Dear Uchiha-s

Dear Mada

_Dear TobiMadara-sama, how are you this fine day. _Oh yes indeed, the first Uchiha was indeed enraged, whoever had the nerve to address him so callously would pay dearly.

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"Sadly, I cannot accept those orders Pein-sama." Kabuto replied calmly.

"What are you playing at Kabuto, both Sasori and Orochimaru are dead, therefore I am your final authority. You have no loyalty to anyone else, so you must do what I order." Pein said rising to his feet in anger.

Kabuto only smirked in reply, as he once more fiddled with glasses. "But you see Pein-sama, therein lies the problem, I have loyalty to no one but myself, because those two are dead."

The Samsara user sneered in reply. "Oh a traitor are you, well then you know what comes next-" He was cut off from continuing as the seemingly quintuple agent started to chuckle.

"Now, now, don't jump to conclusions Pein-sama; I am doing what both of you want." Pein then saw Kabuto's smirk transfigure into alarm, however he had no time to question why as he had fallen to the ground unconscious.

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_Dear TobiMadara-sama, how are you this fine day. You are understandingly furious that someone has discovered your dual identity. However, you don't need to fret; I will reveal this to no one. I'd hate to cause you anymore undue stress. I have merely written to inform you that the elder of your two remaining heirs was pronounced dead nigh but a few weeks ago. You were not aware of this because of your complicated position in Akatsuki, so you must not be sad that you missed Itachi's cremation, I'm sure he understood you couldn't have been there. Your teammate Kisame-san also met his end at that; however his return to the sea was handled by Sasuke's friend, Suigetsu-san, who also claimed possession of the man's sword. As the last living protégée of a swordsman of the mist I felt this was appropriate._

Madara Uchiha looked up from the dispatch, in the guise of rubbing his viewable eye, it seemed that the plant like shinobi was halfway done already, and wanting to finish before he did, the father of the Sharingan read on.

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Quickly applying a pain killer, Kabuto asked. "Are you sure you are alright Pein-sama, when I arrived you said nothing was wrong."

Not wasting any time on wondering why the man had healed him, Pein summoned all 5 of his counterparts to lay waste to this traitor, and so the 6 paths of Pain were summoned, and Pein saw shockingly that they were all dead.

"What have you done to me?!" the S-class nin shouted.

"Settle down Pein-sama, you said so yourself, I am your doctor and I can tell you that raising your voice is a deterrent to your health, besides I have done nothing but follow orders."

Pein seemed taken aback by this announcement, but slowly his face contorted into one of the few emotions he never thought to feel, fear. For the leader of Akatsuki watched as Kabuto's glasses went eschew and there was… only one eye staring back. Has he wrenched his hand towards his face, his mouth began to speak, without his control.

"**Well that is unfortunate, Kabuto-kun, I told you I wanted Pein alive. Why did you kill him?**

"Orochimaru-sama, I didn't kill him, I did exactly what you told me to."

"**Kabuto-kun, need I remind you that I wanted him alive so I could glean what knowledge I could from his mind. Yet I see, the 5 of him strewn out before me, and because they are connected the sixth one must also be dead."**

"There is one possibility that you can't seem to fathom. Pein-sama, do you mind explaining what occurred."

Rather than trying to explain this problem to his now, other half, Pein merely asked. "Why have you done this Yakushi?"

"Why Pein-sama, I thought that was obvious. You wanted Orochimaru out of the way and yet you wanted his jutsus. While you Orochimaru-sama wanted a body I was not willing to provide, and had the Samsara set in your sights." Because of my convoluted loyalties, this transplant seemed liked this obvious choice. As for the other Pein-samas, I assume splicing souls together isn't healthy for semi-sentient clones.

At this admission both madmen smiled. Sure that between the two, they would be the one to come out on top. So the battle of wills began as both eyes, forever different, stared blankly off into the distance. Kabuto calmly noted the sheen of sweat roll down their back, wondering absentmindedly when his poison laced pain killer would begin its work... and if they would even notice.

Both missing nin seemed to be evenly matched… and then the pain started… and then the screams… and then… silence.

Kabuto retrieved his old eye from its holding placed, removed the preservation jutsu, and reattached the orb to its rightful place. Picking up his glasses which had fallen to the ground, now that all his obligations were filled he had no need to wear them yet they were nostalgic, and so he placed them on face. Then he quickly wrote down the period of decay, 3 minutes after absorption into the body, quietly used a preservation jutsu on the bodies, buried them in Akatsuki's hideout, his obvious choice for burial, and went on his way to find Sasuke-kun.

He did after all have to fulfill Pein-sama's final request, then he smirked, well maybe not to the letter but still it was the thought that counted.

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_TobiMadara-sama I must also relay why you were not told this by your subordinate Pein, you see sir; he unfortunately was also killed along with the other 5 paths when Orochimaru committed a kamikaze technique which killed everyone there including himself. Their burial site is unknown. I truly do understand your pain of hearing all of these deaths at once, for I lost both of my parents to war. I will now most likely shock you by revealing that I am from Konoha, and though I am against you, I realize that even you must care about the deaths in your family and friends. So don't worry, I at least will grieve when Naruto-Kun rips you to pieces. After all without your help I would have died in the Kikyo pass._

_Your Faithful Servant_

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When they reached her home, She turned to him and said. "Ok, what gives, you haven't been this quiet in a while."

"Oh, it's nothing Shizune-dono, I sent a letter to a family member this morning, to inform them that there has been a death, just sad is all, I guess."

Giving him a light hug to comfort him she moved in-front of him, "Come on I'm making dinner."

He however, stood there a second longer, and chuckled in amusement that his temporary jailer could be so easily fooled. His letter should be received in about a day or two; he hoped the man who was its recipient had some sense of humor.

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Realizing that he would have to only heal people after this, Kabuto sighed softly, no more Faustian situations after this. At least he mused; it took some weight off his conscience.

Stepping into the light he said, "Hello Tsunade-sama, Naruto-kun, Sakura-san, and Jiraiya-sama." The aforementioned shinobi tensed up in preparation for a battle. The medic seemed somewhat frightened, and then proceeded to explain his presence.

"Now wait a minute before you kill me. I have just arrived to inform you that both the leader of Akatsuki and Orochimaru are dead, Sasuke-kun is in no immediate danger and will meet up with Itachi in a day or so, and for all intents and purposes, he Sasuke, is now the second leader of Sound; because frankly I don't feel up to the task. Therefore Naruto-kun, you better work harder if you want to catch up. Finally, I realize that I am a traitor and spy, and that you have no reason to trust me, however I was one of Jiraiya-sama's informants and I have valuable information on Akatsuki, all I ask in return is to be reinstated as a Leaf shinobi, as a Jounin level medic-nin if possible."

The room then fell silent after this declaration, with Sakura trying to mentally convince Naruto to not go ballistic after hearing of Sasuke's new status; while Kabuto absentmindedly wondered if he would need to use that exploding corpse; and Jiraiya desperately trying to find an escape route that wasn't out of the window at 50 mph.

After mulling all the information over in her head, Tsunade made a gamble. "Very well, you are hereby placed in the custody of my assistant Shizune, for a period of four months, who will watch you for any signs of defection." Inwardly Tsunade was happy, it would keep Shizune out of her hair for awhile.

Inwardly Kabuto was also happy, all his loose ends, debts, and obligations were taken care of, and Sasuke had something to strive for after his brother's death was at hand, Naruto had even more reason to become Rokudaime, and most importantly he finally had a place to call home. He then started to shuffle outwards, but was stopped by his new leader

"Yakushi-kun, I will not order you to not hurt Shizune, because I know you have more intelligence than that. Secondly, I will not ask you why you have done all this, you won't tell me, and I think only my sensei could have figured it out. However, this last thing I have to say shall be your first order, as soon as your _probation_ has expired, I order you to become an ANBU, I can keep a closer eye on you, and we are severely lacking in good medics. Until that time comes, don't do anything stupid.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Ultimately, Kabuto knew he would already have to disobey her, he had already written the letter, after all.

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_P.S. If you haven't guessed TobiMadara-Sama this is Kabuto and those bodies aren't another experiment but Pein-samas various corpses including the one with Orochimaru's eye, but remember being angry can give you ulcers or worse a coronary, or maybe even a stroke. Besides you don't want to give yourself away to Zetsu-kun, and by now the remains would have thoroughly dissolved anyway, so no gutting him either. Lastly, most of this letter is a farce meant to stall you, so Zetsu could have time to finish lunch. The how, what and why of what is true, I leave for you to figure out, because if you are told all the answers your mind will never grow. _

_Sayonara,_

_Head of Konoha Hospital, Kabuto Yakushi_

Madara calmly burned the letter, and explained to the now full Zetsu that, he had meant to enlarge the print and had accidentally used a Katon instead, oh and that the there was still some blood on the other man's lip.

He then left the cave in a hurry, causing a few forest fires on the way. After he had thusly appeased his rage, he then realized he had made his to the borderlands of Fire country. The first Uchiha became almost asphyxiated with apprehension, but then rationalized that yes, the only way he beat Pein was through trickery and sleight of hand. Yes of course, he couldn't out smarted, as for out powering, that's a laugh, only he himself and maybe a Konan, Zetsu teammate up could kill him.

All the same, the first Uchiha thought, as he stopped at a local town's fruit center, it wouldn't hurt to be careful. Back in the depths of his mind he hoped an apple really could keep the doctor away.

**_AN: Well, this is my first fic in a good while. As well as my first time switching between Povs like that, so I might be a bit rusty However I needed to write something showing the Magnificent Bastard that Kabuto really is. So anyway if you enjoyed it please review. Also can anyone give me a better title?  
_**


End file.
